Families, at times, make me unbalanced. I am a straight line kind of individual. Give me some relative blips in the road, some real hair-raising excitement here and there, and pile on the fun and don’t be stingy, but as far as drama, please excuse me from the list of participants. I just hate it. Sometimes when infighting goes on in my group I entertain the thought of shooting myself in the foot and getting kicked out of the regiment.
It’s bad enough when children behave like children, which we condone because they are, in the end, short on experience and long on attitude, but when adults behave like children, well I just want to throw myself on the floor and have a total tantrum. Oh, sorry, perhaps that might be considered childish in some circles.
Montana, these days, is just sounding really good to me. Wide open spaces, poor cell phone reception, lots of places to disappear discreetly into, and not one member of my family lives within the state lines. Sign me up.
Don’t misunderstand me, I adore the dirty rotten scoundrels but families can be a messy lot, particularly when blended, and I’m sure under this curly blonde head of hair you’d find total gray screaming to get out.
Relationships are difficult at best, but when you bring two families together it can become kinetic, introducing yours and mine into the mix. I try to think of them as ours but in the end like vinegar and water when you try to mix them together eventually they insist on drifting apart again. Actually I am glad that my other half and I met after our children were grown ups (or at least legally adults). I’m sure our different approaches to parenting would have caused some major standoffs. Where now, for the most part, we cohabit in relative peace and find each other endlessly fascinating. Well, okay we make each other giggle. It has been ten years. Although my heart still goes pitty pat when I see his face, I can go about the tasks of my day without writing his name on every surface or thinking about him every step of the way.
What is that the experts say? In all new relationships there is a “honeymoon period” of intense attraction and mooning looks that eventually subsides and fades into the “real life” portion of the program. I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing. Sustaining that initial rush indefinitely most of us would never make it to our jobs. The attraction guaranteeing we’d probably produce lots of children, we’d most likely ignore them deferring to our partners. It certainly wouldn’t leave room for much else beyond gazing into one another’s eyes in our worlds.
I think the problem is the initial rush is so overwhelming, when a marriage or relationship evolves and life interrupts it with electric bills and mortgage payments, late nights with a colicky baby, and just the day-to-day process of living, we begin to yearn for the sweetness in the beginning instead of embracing each phase of our lives together for what it is. In a way I equate it to combat veterans who, after coming home from intense periods of being on full alert or in the midst of gunfire and danger 24/7, suddenly find the normal world of home and family difficult to adjust to without the adrenalin high.
I had a therapist once (yes, I really did) who said that some people find “normal” boring so will actually infuse chaos into their world to keep the excitement level up. In the end, create their own miseries in order to feel comfortable. For me, I’m all over having a nice easy ride without anybody getting thrown out of the boat.
Having been married four times I’m sure you’re thinking, “boy, I know she’d be the person I’d go to if I needed some relationship advice”. For some reason people do ask me about this and that quite often, perhaps because I’ve either done it or experienced somewhere along this interesting road I’ve traveled. I’m still exploring relationships. Every day I learn something new. One thing I have learned about families is to stay out of my children’s business (as adults naturally, when they were kids I was all over them like a pup tent) and only offer advice when asked, and then as sparingly as the government gives out tax breaks.
The murky world of relationships is a tricky place to maneuver with more turns than a bully on a playground, but I wouldn’t trade the experience of having them. It would be a lonely world without putting yourself out there and giving someone love and getting it back in return. Not perfect by any means, but I wouldn’t trade it.
So, I guess after a while you settle into a comfortable place and the chair doesn’t feel as new any more, and there are some threads loose here and there but when you sit in it it contours itself to you and you can curl up in it and appreciate it for what it is.
Ah, Susie’s philosophy course for the day. Wake up I say!
This was the best chicken. We couldn’t stop smacking our lips and licking our fingers. Sweet and tangy with a hint of berries and pomegranate. Just yummy.
As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming . Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998) Italian-American author, motivational speaker, university professor, known as “Dr. Love”
Barbecued Chicken Thighs with Pomegranate Teriyaki Glaze
1 Tbsp. cornstarch
1 Tbsp. cold water
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1 tsp. Worchestershire sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1 1/2 tsp. Pomegranate jam
8 chicken thighs (I used boneless, skinless but any would be fine)
Whisk together all glaze ingredients but jam in small saucepan. Bring to a high simmer over med-low heat stirring often. When just hot add jam and whisk until it is dissolved. Continuing cooking until mixture thickens. Remove from heat.
Salt and pepper thighs on both sides. Brush with glaze.
Place chicken thighs on preheated grill over a medium low heat (around 300 degrees F.) Grill for about 20-25 mins. basting often with glaze, and turning occasionally. As the chicken nears doneness brush glaze over the surface every 5 minutes until chicken is done and a sticky consistency. Remember, chicken is done when meat has an internal temperature of 165 degrees F. and juices run clear.