Yesterday while folding laundry I caught the end of an afternoon talk show with the topic of discussion a woman on strike in an effort to get her husband and three daughters to help around the house. On the hot seat was the much maligned husband who, when asked why he didn’t offer more by way of assistance to his wife when it came to chores responded,”because it’s her job”. Now in my observation, talk show audiences are composed of about 95% women. Uttering these four words in front of such a demographic, not to mention the entire estrogen driven viewing audience, could have the impact of waving a bouquet of scarlet balloons in front of a bull with a painful abscess. Any four words thrown together might have been a better choice. “Because I’m a Neanderthal”, for example, would have served beautifully. An uneasy quiet settled on the crowd, closely followed by a communal murmur and much clicking of tongues. The man is lucky he escaped with his life and all his integral working parts.
As her story continued, the woman in addition to doing everything around the house, was launching her own business further testing her time. To add to her worries, her seventeen year old daughter, never overly burdened with chores or responsibilities, was now heading off to college carrying with her absolutely no life skills whatsoever.
Glaring frequently at the evil prince, the talk show host disptached this latter-day Cinderella to a day spa, while he sent dad and the wicked stepsisters home with a substantial chore list like lambs to the slaughter. Laundry was first on their list. What should have taken five minutes elapsed into a half an hour. Unable to decipher the workings of the dial on the washing machine, apparently requiring a member of Mensa to accomplish the task, their repeated twisting and turning eventually broke the dial. On to the bedrooms, each piled with clothes and makeup. This was corrected by cramming as many clothes and towels as room beneath the beds would permit and opening dresser drawers and essentially sweeping the things on top of the dresser inside and closing the drawers afterwards. Vacuuming was most interesting. Rather than expend the extra time to bend over and move an item, it was sucked into the hose hopefully making it way to the bag before causing a total impaction. I believe they were still searching for a missing cat at the end of the program. As for our evil prince, a grown man who reported daily to a responsible job, he was rendered catatonic when faced with running his home and his children for one afternoon. This serves to reinforce my deepest belief women are the thread keeping the fabric of our society tightly woven. Housewives and mothers are truly the most highly undervalued workers in our social system. What they do to keep the gears meshing smoothly at home is often so taken for granted little thought is given to it at all until they suddenly stop doing it.
When reviewing the times in my marriages where it became necessary to defer to a husband for assistance of a domestic nature, I can’t help but wonder if they purposely did the job so poorly so I wouldn’t ask again, or weren’t cut out to do the job in the first place which is why they figured we were worth a rib back in the day.
Once, when living in Massachusetts, I had to fly unexpectedly to the west coast for a week to support my mother recovering from major surgery. I left behind my husband and two toddlers to run our large house with little time for explanations on exactly how I made that happen. I was assured during phone calls during the week all was well. The first indication that this was somewhat of an exaggeration was when my three-year old daughter greeted me at the door on my return sporting bangs measuring 3″ on the left side and 1/4″ on the right. In the laundry room I discovered several loads of once white laundry in the dryer now tied dyed a lovely shade of cotton candy pink thanks to a red tablecloth twisted around them.
There weren’t words for the kitchen. An economy sized package of paper plates on the counter was probably purchased as backup when the entire supply of washable dishes had been expended. From the wrappers on the dishes piled in the sink and the contents of the unemptied trash container fast food and Pop Tarts had been the food groups of choice for the week. Never can I remember being so appreciated as when I arrived home that day.
Putting my crew to work we found our house under the clutter. The worst behind us while reading my daughter a story before bed she mentioned they’d gone to church on Sunday. Good man. Also mentioned was she had been allowed to dress herself, which she had. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to accessorize with underwear, a fact becoming patently clear when she bent over to pick up her gloves while walking down the center aisle. Ah well, there are other nice churches and other nice towns.
Single mothers, I believe, carry the additional burden of being the only one rowing the boat. Not to diminish any working mother’s responsibilities, but when married or part of a couple it is most helpful, provided your partner is on board, to have a first mate to assume some of the duties. Sorry my nautical puns are flowing like honey from a bee hive today.
It’s not that I mind managing things on the home front, but it’s always nice to be appreciated. Even golden retrievers get an occasional pat on the head. An “atta girl” now and then or a “job well done” helps to keep the old mop soaped, if you get my drift. Early on I taught my children if Mom spent all afternoon cooking to put a delicious meal on the table the response I was looking for definitely was not “what are the green things?” or “I ate at Jimmy’s house”. A simple “thank you” would suffice even if you have to feed your peas to the dog waiting patiently under the table.
So, this is my salute to the mothers and housewives out there. Man your troups, ladies. Shove those behinds off the couch, shut off the computer, take command of the remote and ask them to step away from the big screen. Push “end” on their cell phones and tell them if they need tools you’d like to introduce them to several, although not new still little improved on, a broom and a mop. Life is short and today is the best day to begin at the beginning of changing things around the house.
To say these are delicious would be an understatement. I could eat the whole casserole if left to my own devices. When making them remember they need to be refrigerated overnight.
Cheesy Potato Stacks
4 large russet potatoes, sliced thin
1/2 large yellow onion, sliced thin
1 1/4 cups heavy cream, divided
2 cups parmiagiana reggiano cheese, shredded
Salt and pepper
Spray the bottom of a 9″ casserole dish with cooking spray. Place 1/3 of the onion slices on the bottom of the casserole.
Pour 1/4 cup of heavy cream over top of onions. Stack potatoes like shingles in rows covering bottom. Salt and pepper. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup of cheese. Press down with palms of your hands to compress.
Repeat layers three times. Top final layer with 1 cup of cheese. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 24 hours.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Remove plastic wrap and cover casserole with foil. Bake for 45 mins. Remove foil and place back in oven for 45 mins. until bubbly and a lovely golden brown.
Allow to sit for 30 mins. until set.
the title is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!!!!
Chuck, yes it is. I think my bunch actually believes the Good Housekeeping Fairy comes in at night and cleans up after them.
Oh, my gosh this potato dish sounds wonderful! One hundred years ago (it seems) when I was a young feminist attending college, I devised a survey designed to reveal the unfairness of the division of labor in the upkeep of a home. No matter which adult was working to support the family or whether both adults worked outside the home, housework fell to the woman. Whether man, woman or child filled out the survey, no matter what the demographic, by far the majority believed housework to be the woman’s responsibility. The more liberal minded among them said it was because “the woman would get it done right”. It’s pathetic how little has changed in all these years!
Cindy, these potatoes are truly yummy. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
Women still do statistically about 85% of the household chores I believe I read. I actually took a picture of my ex with the vacuum in his hands (he was putting it away not actually pushing it) and framed it and hung it in the laundry room. I always said I’d probably never see that sight again so wanted to preserve it for posterity.
I’m not the least bit surprised to hear that the firm belief is it is our job even if we have one out of the home. I’m not looking for this to change in the near future.
Have never been a domestic diva – and will never be. I can’t understand how some women does with a house full of kids and pets – plus a husband that … most of the time don’t do much to take the load of.
What I love about the Swedish man is that he knows how a vacuum cleaner looks like and he knows how to use it, same with the washing machine and dryer. Thanks to their mothers. The Swedish man is very domestic – and he also stays home when kids are sick. We are able to split the maternity leave how it suits the parents – and many dads stay home those days.
This gratin … looks fantastic. I will put it on file.
Viveka, I’ve known a couple of men who pulled some of the load around the house (more like trash and yard) but for the most part it falls to the women here in the states. I taught my son how to do everything and he is very helpful and definitely pulls more than half of the load at home. Interesting – never known a Swedish man. Obviously I’ve missed something
The gratin is to die for. It takes some time but in the end is well worth it. I ate some for breakfast this morning.
OMG, sometimes you MUST let the family learn the hard way. Hopefully, the message is clear.
Not to be boring but OMG, I can almost taste these potato stacks. My grandkids are going LOVE them. Thanks.
Tess, the spuds were really yummy. I could eat them alone. Yup, if you don’t insist you’re likely to be the only one with a mop in their hand.
Aunt Susan,
This dish sounds really good. I must admit tho that the subject of discussion was what interested me and read all of the comments. Very interesting. Luv U Pea
Aunt Pea, the potatoes were a bit of work but pretty tasty. The dad in the story was Kirb of course.
Hello Susan, I could not agree more. I have 2 teenage boys and let me tell you you have to take control now or other wise you will be creating monsters for any wife they will ever pursue. Believe it or not boys can cook, pick up their wet towels off the floor and install a new toilet paper roll. I love this recipe for potatoes and would not be able to stop at one serving. Take care, BAM
BAM, I switched with my son and daughter. One week one would do the trash and the other the dishes and then they’d alternate, etc. Men seem to do the trash and the yard work, but I like yard work as well so would like a compromise. Anyhow, the potatoes are just the best. Let me know if you give them a try. Susie
Love your posts, Susie, and the comments that follow them, too. This post could have been written by my Mom. She made sure that both of her sons and daughter knew how to cook, clean, and do laundry before we left home. We just didn’t do it much until we did leave home. She was a saint in ways totally foreign to me. I would have thrown us all out!
This is another great recipe, too, easy to prepare and delicious. I make a potato dish but have never used that much heavy cream. What a delicious difference that would make, especially with all of that parmigiano reggiano cheese.
John, thanks for the kind words about my posts. It makes them special when people take the time to comment particularly since I’ve had so little time in the last month or two to return the favor.
I was a working mother so my children had to pitch in. It was good life training for them, in my opinion, and they have a good work ethic as adults.
Sounds like I would have liked your mother.
Thank heaven my husband knows his way around a kitchen, laundry room, and vacuum, even if he’s not Swedish! I do most of the housework (since I work part-time in the office), but he insists on helping on weekends. I always thank him for it.
JM, Does he hire out? Yes, that is nice, actually very nice. My other half does many sweet things for me, and he helps out around the house here and there but Merry Maids isn’t panting to offer him a position in their west coast division.