Recently I heard people are delving into plastic surgery in an effort to capture the perfect “selfie”. I’ve taken two selfies in my life one where I was blinking and the other with only half my head visible. Neither, as bad as they were, were worth having surgery to improve. Much easier and infinitely cheaper to simply hit delete. We are our own worst enemies, staring in the mirror picking and poking at all our imperfections. Wishing we had a longer nose, a shorter forehead, or longer eyelashes. Blue eyes are nice, but wouldn’t green be more interesting? I’m guilty of it. I’m sure even Elle McPherson gets a pimple now and again. Albeit, it’s probably a pretty pimple.
I’m an absolute study in imperfection. My nose tips slightly to one side from being mashed with a baseball bat when I was sixteen. When being constructed, the department in charge of backsides apparently was on their lunch break and I was pushed on to feet where they overcompensated with two flat ones to match my caboose. I’m tall, which I like. Although, according to my last physical someone carved off an inch or two of my torso when I wasn’t looking. Being slim works for me. Being slim and toned would be an excellent upgrade. When researching the upgrade I understand you have to also purchase the exercise package and upon reflection this sounded like you have to factor work into the program so I decided to stay with the basic model provided at the factory.
I have a friend who lives in a state of constant dissatisfaction with herself. If you open the drawers in her bathroom you’ll find them jam-packed with every conceivable age potion, dark spot remover, concealer, neck de-wrinkler, eye bag tightener, and make-up item available on the market. Drag queens have less product on hand. To “put her face on”, as she refers to it, takes about two hours in the morning. I’ve never had the nerve to ask where she stores it when she takes it off at night, but images of Mrs. Doubtfire do come to mind. When going out she’ll ask everybody available how she looks. Even if the general consensus is “fabulous”, you can go to the bank that before you leave the house she’ll have changed into something new. I take a book when we’re going out, to amuse myself through the costume changes.
While watching the news tonight we had to wade through one commercial after another on sucking out unwanted fat, reducing crows feet, and amazing diet products guaranteed to take that five pounds off sitting around your middle from the three plates of stuffing you put away on Christmas Day. Even the news discussed the best exercises to get that pesky belly fat off, and how to eat healthy to drop excess pounds. I ate a piece of chocolate after all that and considered ipecac as an option to deal with the guilt. No letters please, I do not have an eating disorder. However, I always find it astonishing we are most likely the only country in world wealthy enough to have people eating a full meal and then purposely purging it shortly thereafter. I’m sure people living in the Sudan would be less than amused at the thought.
I wonder what the women who lived in on farms and outposts in the old west would think of us. Somehow I imagine between plowing the fields, fending off intruders, and birthin’ those babies without benefit of an epidural, whether or not their eyebrows were perfectly accented wasn’t right at the top of their list. Possibly this is why in all the old pictures most of these women look generally pissed off. Perhaps the pampered pooches of the royal courts would cast a more sympathetic eye in our direction. Their days were spent lavishing on silk covered divans being fed grapes by their servants. From what I can perceive the most stressful act they performed might have been choosing fabric for more dresses to add to their already overburdened closets.
As is evident by the constantly morphing plethora of devices and gadgets, we humans are rarely satisfied by what we have and like the constantly feeding shark need to be replenished often to be satisfied.
According to my dermatologist all the $50-$350 products available to stop the aging process or at least mask it don’t work any more effectively than a jar of good old-fashioned cold cream purchased at a local pharmacy as far as your skin is concerned.
Another procedure making the news is a string facelift. This procedure aptly involves planting string underneath the skin and pulling it to tighten it. The problem, it appears, is as the skin ages it becomes thinner and the string can actually tear through the skin or worse. Hmmmmm. I had suggested in an earlier blog on the subject, we should be born with ties beneath the skin at the nape of the neck so that as we age, much like pulling the hood on a hoodie, we adjust the tautness according to need. At some point, however, your ears may be located at the nape of your neck. This seems a less viable idea after hearing about the string situation.
Perhaps we have to accept that like an apple left too long in the bin, at one point we’re not going to look as fresh and new as we did when we were first picked. The key might be to embrace each stage of our lives and realize each of us fortunate enough to continue our journey beyond the “best if used by” date still have a lot to offer, see, experience, and learn.
As usual I have no answers only questions.
Crockpot Chicken Tostadas with Yogurt Dressing
For the chicken
1 onion, sliced
2 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 pkg. McCormick Chicken Fajita Seasoning
2 cups Pace Chunky salsa
1 cup chicken broth
Spray crockpot with cooking spray. Place sliced onion on bottom and top with chicken. Combine seasoning pkg. with salsa and chicken broth. Cook on low for 8 hrs. Shred with fork.
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1/4 cup Pace Chunky Salsa
1 garlic clove, minced
1 Tbsp. key lime juice
2 Tbsp. prepared Ranch dressing
1 Tbsp. mayonnaise
1 1/2 tsp. Sriracha
Whisk all ingredients together and refrigerate until ready to use
For the tostadas
4 medium flour tortillas
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 15 oz. can refried beans (I used hot)
1 cup Mexican blend cheese
2 tomatoes, diced
Red onion, chopped
Ripe olives, sliced
1 Avocado sliced (optional)
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Brush tortillas with olive oil. Cover cookie sheet with foil. Spray with cooking spray. Cook tortillas for 5 mins. per side, approxiately. Watch to keep from burning. Turn over once. Drain on paper towels.
To build tostada layer:
Serve with dressing.