A friend of mine with a lot on her plate at the moment was expressing her anxiety to me over lunch. Eating little and talking nervously it was obvious it was weighing heavily on her mind. This set my mind to thinking about worrying, why we do it, what we gain from it if anything, and how to avoid it. My mother would have made the perfect stereotypical Jewish mother. Seriously, there’s a sit-com out there with her name written all over it. Worry for her is a lifestyle, rather than an occasional indulgence. If nothing presents itself to concern herself with on any given day she will take on world peace, the plight of the Panamanian golden frog, and what will happen an hour from now, two hours for now, or two weeks from yesterday. I read somewhere two emotions are a total waste of our bodies resources, worry and guilt. Both change nothing, tap heavily on our energy resources, and in general are emotional buzz killers.
Spending years feeling guilty about that parking ticket you tossed in the trash in the 80’s and never paid isn’t going to change a thing. You could, I suppose, go out to the landfill and dig through piles of refuge to see if you could locate the original citation or go down to the traffic division, confess your sins, and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Truth is if they’re planning on fining you penalties for all those years the ticket went unpaid, they will do this no matter how many sleepless nights you log thinking about it. The more likely scenario is you are in a cache with thousands of other offenders in the same situation who will never be brought to task, and you wasted time on something for no reason. Either way, it doesn’t change a thing. Decide to be a better citizen and pay a ticket the next time one comes your way and keep your feet moving in a forward direction. Be better for the experience, but do not be defined by it, or something along those lines.
There are many things in my life I wish I could do a retake on. Unfortunately, once it is written there are no “erasies”. The best you can hope for is you’ve become a better human being since then, more mature, made better more well-thought out decisions. All of us are fallible. Since the Bible was written I don’t believe another perfect person has graced our history books.
When my children were old enough to comprehend what I was saying I took them out individually and apologized for all my shortcomings as a mother. Explaining I did the best I could, loved them immensely, and surely made many mistakes over the course of the eighteen to twenty years we’d shared company. At that time I said I will issue an umbrella apology in the hopes they would forgive my lesser accomplishments, accept that I gave it a good go most of the time, and we could move ahead from there.
I tried hard to avoid “guilting” my children into doing something or applying a layer of good old motherly guilt when they did not. In our house there was a clear understanding if you did something that required parental intervention there would be a consequence equal to the crime, if you will. Once I do remember plying a little guilt. Actually I prefer to think of it as mother’s psychology 101. My son had been asked numerous times not to kick his soccer ball against the back of the house. There was a field with a backboard just down the street expressly for that purpose. When caught the ball was confiscated and an extra chore was added to his week. Still, he seemed to be missing the message.
I arrived home one afternoon from work to find the bathroom window pane splintered all over the floor and glass in the toilet bowl. Hmmm. The bathroom was on the back wall of the house exactly where the soccer ball was often being kicked. Now I don’t need Dr. Watson to deduce the games were afoot, and I mean that literally.
When my kids arrived home I sat them down and inquired as to what happened. Neither of them, it appeared, seem to have any idea how the window had come to be scattered all over the tile. Noticing my little soccer player wasn’t looking me directly in the eye, but having no CSI team on hand to provide me with tangible proof I hoisted my mainsail and took another tack.
I said, “well, it seems we’ve had a break in”. This definitely got their attention. Grabbing the phone book (yes, there were phone books where people actually looked up phone numbers back then), I began to thumb through the pages saying, “pa, pi, po…..ah, police”. Wide eyed my son asked why I was looking for the number of the police station. I explained I would have to have a detective come out and dust for fingerprints and examine the crime scene for evidence undoubtedly resulting in the criminal being incarcerated for breaking into our home. At this the lower lip began to quiver and a tear welled on the top of his lower lashes. In spite of the fact I didn’t want to hurt my little man, I wanted him to come to me to accept responsibility for his actions. Teaching them this lesson, I felt was right at the top of the list. A part of adult life that comes to the fore often as we get older. In the end without having to use a bright light he confessed. Each week he donated a part of his allowance to the cost of the replacement pane.
Sometimes a little guilt keeps us honest, and worrying about the big ticket items in our life such as illness, money, relationships, unavoidable. However, to me worrying the whole time you’re flying about what might happen to the plane takes away from experiencing the view below and the amazing sensation of being able to soar with the birds.
These eggs are a flavorful change of pace from your everyday scrambled. I serve them with naan or flour tortillas. You can heat them up or cool them down according to your personal tastes.
Akoori (Indian Scrambled Eggs)
2 Tbsp. butter
1 onion, chopped
3 green onions, chopped fine
2 cloves garlic, minced
1-2 Serrano chiles chopped fine
1 1/2 tsp. cumin
1/8 tsp. turmeric
2 medium Roma tomatoes, seeded and chopped
3 Tbsp. chopped cilantro
8 eggs, beaten
1/2 tsp. white pepper
Salt to taste
Naan, flour tortillas, or flat bread
Melt butter over med. heat in large skillet. Add onion and green onions. Cook for 6 mins. Add garlic, chilis, cumin, and turmeric. Cook for 1 min. until fragrant.
Add tomatoes. Cook until moisture has cooked off. Reduce heat to low. Whisk together cilantro, eggs, and white pepper. Pour into pan. Mix well with tomato mixture. Cook slowly stirring frequently until soft but set. Season with salt. Serve with suggested breads if desired.