Posts Tagged ‘resolutions’


Well now we’ve stepped in it, 2020 I mean. Here we are in a brand spanking new decade with the days laid out in front of us pristine and untouched. Such a heady feeling. Can’t hide my curiosity about what 2020 will bring. Diligently I try to keep my thoughts focused on the journey rather than concentrating on the outcome. Sometimes I have to admit I fight an overwhelming urge to skim to the back of the book and see how the story has unfolded. This is not for us to know, of course, only to speculate. Would I open an envelope if I knew the outcome was concealed inside? Probably not, but I can’t help but wonder how the heroine makes out towards the end of the story.

A new year with new discoveries. What new technological breakthroughs will we enjoy this decade? Someone with a bright and curious mind is sitting somewhere as I write this hatching an idea destined to change the way we do things in the future. There will always be that group of forward thinkers able to conceptualize what isn’t and bring it into what is. Thank God for these creative motivated people or we’d all still be sitting in the dark whacking each other over the head with wooden clubs or, God forbid, be functioning in our offices without Post-it Notes.

Interesting to imagine further down the road what our world will look like at the end of this decade. 2030. Seems inconceivable. Will hovercrafts be floating around overhead, perhaps a manned mars expedition, an alien sighting, androids in the workplace or at home, or phones implanted in our ears at birth? The latter is almost here I feel, as most people I know maintain a deeper and more meaningful relationship with their phones then they share with their spouses or life partners. I have a friend who misplaced his IPhone the other day and nearly broke down in tears when he finally located behind the tissue box in the bathroom. You’d have thought his child had gone missing. This attachment I have to say baffles me, but I am also working on not judging this year so I will table that conversation for another day. It is so much easier to see other people’s flaws I find then to identify my own.

I plan to stray off the path a little this year. Life is too short to maintain the same course for the entire trip. Definitely I have a list of places I want to see. I do wish the powers that be would move my travel paperwork along but they seem to be following that government snail path that any form they issue has to adhere to so I may have to be carried by litter by the time my replacement card arrives.

Our littlest member, Zeppelin, now a year and three months, has discovered that his legs as well as bending in the middle will also support him when erect. This has led to much exploration on his part and added a new wrinkle to his parents and grandparents life. Up until the time they walk little ones are limited by the space they occupy unless transported by another human being. Once they figure out how to make this happen for themselves their world expands to everything they can reach, throw, insert in their mouths, or disassemble. Constantly I am amazed, however, at his sweet disposition and endless curiosity about the world around him. Each day is full of new information for him to process and new things to see. Childhood truly is, or can be, a wondrous experience which little beings are kind enough to share with the adults in their arena so we can revisit it once again ourselves. I shall find it fascinating to watch his progression as the decade moves forward.

Seems hard to believe a year and a half has gone by since Rick passed. Funny how slowly the time seems to move when you are young and yet as you age it seems to disappear in an instant. My mind is still going through the grief brain period when it gets muddled at times and a bit overwhelmed. Add this to the sheer fact that this brain has been processing information for some years now, and I find myself doing some really dumb things of late. Day before yesterday I had to take Miss Boo, the Queen of Cats, to the vet. For several days she had been sneezing, a behavior I had never seen from her before.  A vet visit requires precision planning as if the cat sees the carrier before I get her in it she will find a spot under the bed to plant herself and I will spend the next hour or two on my knees trying to coax her out of there.  That morning I retrieved the carrier and left it on the top step outside the back door. I checked to see where the cat was and found her in her usual napping spot on the pillow at the end of the bed. Stealthily I picked up the carrier and entered the door quietly. The only flaw in this plan was that I’d forgotten I’d left a brand new bag of cat litter on the floor by the cat box. Whoops. Tripping over the bag and unable to get my footing I face planted in the middle of the kitchen floor throwing the carrier into the bedroom with a huge crash where Boo made her exit stage right. Game over. Thankfully as God takes care of drunks and fools (I rarely drink but considered it at that moment), I was uninjured.

That same day I was making a meatloaf for guests coming over for dinner. It was one of those days where the clock got away from me and I found myself throwing ingredients in a bowl at the last minute. Naturally, I was short a half a pound of meat so I washed my hands and left the bowl with the dry ingredients on the counter and headed for the store. While at the check out counter I noticed my bracelet with “Fearless” printed across the band was not on my wrist. Not an expensive piece of jewelry certainly but I wear it every day. For me it is significant in my healing process by way of an affirmation reminding me I can handle whatever comes along. I retraced my steps in the store to no avail so stopped to ask the customer service clerk if she could contact me if she found it on my way out. Feeling sad I came home and tossed the remaining meat on top of the other ingredients. Moving my sleeves up my arm I began to knead and squeeze to get everything well blended. Placing the loaf in my loaf pan I noticed something protruding from the top. On closer inspection I saw a silver object with the letters “arle” visible on it. Mystery solved. Could have been worse I could have served the bracelet to my guests cooked in the meatloaf. That would have been a conversation starter. Maybe I could have passed it off like the baby in the cake in New Orleans. How I do these things I have no explanation. If Rick was here he would say, “you need to sloooooooow down”. Probably had a point.

So as we begin this new year my plan is to sloooooooow down, stop and smell the roses, look before I leap, and generally take some long deep breaths and enjoy the moment I am in. Happy New Year to all.

funny planking

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We are smack in the middle of no-man’s land, how I refer to the days spanning the gap between Christmas and New Years. All the hype and excitement of Thanksgiving and Christmas are behind us for another year. Turkey has been eaten, gifts have been exchanged, family has come and often gone, and life has once again has begun to settle back into the routine it held prior to Halloween.

One holiday, or really two if you count New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, remains on the calendar. New Year’s Eve has never made a good memory for me, finding me either nursing a champagne head over eggs Benedict at some pricey hotel affair or simply ensconced in general catastrophe. Even if I was thinking about making plans they would definitely include an Uber driver. People get crazy on the roads, downing alcohol like the drink in front of them will be the last alcoholic beverage to be served to them before their demise. Because of this track record, I prefer to stay home hunkered down with whatever the TV offerings might be allowing the new year to show up without giving it much fanfare. This year, however, marks not only the last gasp for 2019 and the first breath for 2020 but the entrance into a new decade. No matter how festive this might be, this time of year is remains an introspective period for me. I find I don’t know quite what to do with myself. This is an unusual and rather unsettling state of being for me as I am a person who is rarely lacking in ways to occupy my time.  It is not that there aren’t twenty things I could entertain myself doing or many things needing my attention, it’s just that I don’t seem to want to do any of them. The after Christmas let down as the last of the Christmas ornaments are boxed up and returned to the shed, and the twinkling lights no longer decorate the eaves of the house contributes to his state of malaise, I would suppose. Sometimes I wish we could just leave the tree up all year. Perhaps though, if we were to enjoy Christmas year round it wouldn’t hold the enchantment it does when visiting us only once.

As I’ve mentioned my tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving barring war or pestilence, and comes back down the day after Christmas unless I am being held captive by a rogue band of aliens. Along with the many other little nuances of personality continuing to show up, being unable to tolerate looking at the decorations any more than one day past Christmas can be added to the list. Don’t ask me why. Faulty wiring most probably. Why not? I blame my wiring for everything else I can’t explain about me. Books will be written.

Along with my gifts from Santa I got a cold. Remind me to write him a thank you. That’s what I get for eating his cookies before I went to bed. It is one of those colds that doesn’t leave you tucked under the covers in bed surrounded by a field of used Kleenex but rather one of those sapping all your energy and leaving your nose looking like you’ve been dipping it in the deep fryer. Naturally I was going to a holiday party last evening. Well sort of a holiday football party. Fully suited in my 49er sweatshirt and hoodie I was determined to root my team on no matter what. I alerted my hosts I was harboring a bug, but they insisted I show up anyhow stating three fourths of the guests were dealing with something or other this time of year. I suggested I paint bugs on pieces of paper and tape them to the sufferers backs. That way the carriers would be obvious to those not yet afflicted and a safe distance could be maintained. She seemed to feel this was over the top since people frequent stores, church, have children (the little germ magnets), and families so are exposed to germs every time they leave the house. Okay, I tried. Turns out she was right. Tissue boxes were as prevalent as acne on teenagers with everyone happily incubating germs in their lovely warm house cheering our team to a tight and nerve wracking victory against the Seattle Seahawks. YAY.  Rick loved the 49ers. They were not making a great showing before he died but he sat in his chair and rooted them on every week. I’m sure he’s tap dancing on a cloud right night watching them go into the playoffs.

So, I turn my thoughts to the new year. I don’t make resolutions as a rule.  Instead I choose to set goals and make a personal promise to do my best to achieve them. Definitely getting a job would be at the top of my list.  Yes, yes perhaps the holiday season would have been the ideal time to pursue one. Nobody likes a nag. It’s not like I’m dragging my feet on this. Well, perhaps it’s exactly like I’m dragging my feet. It’s been a while and I’m getting riper by the day. Worries me about moving back into the work force as an older woman. Makes me feel a bit like the gray whiskered dog at the pet shop competing with all the puppies. My skills are still sharp, or I like to think they are, but I certainly cannot compete with younger candidates in the candles on my cake category. I will hold positive thoughts and believe in myself and get a JOB. There you go, my affirmation for the day.

I want to explore filling my days with new and interesting experiences. Fitness is on my mind. The thought hasn’t traveled to my limbs as yet nor to the hand that picks up my phone and calls the fitness center but it’s moving in that direction. Though I walk every day, my doctor tells me my bone density needs work so work out I must whether my mind is fully on board with the thought or not.

There are lessons to be learned from all that we experience in our lives. If nothing else from the last few years I have taken with me each day needs to be treated with respect. Life can change instantly and the time to take that trip, enroll in that course, or tell someone you love them is now. Sooooo, we take a tentative step into 2020. With all that is swirling around us in the news it should prove if nothing else to be an interesting one. See you in the new year. Have a safe holiday.



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